A few years ago, I wrote about the one word that changes how I answer every question.  Well, that is SO 2015.  I have a new favorite phrase now: “How should I think about XYZ?“

As a child, my father said the same thing to me before school every day: “Ask good questions.” That is, to this day, one of his only pieces of advice.  (“Do what you think is right,” is another one, as is one passed down from his father, “Don’t waste time on crudite at a cocktail hour”).

But back to “Ask good questions.”

As I’ve progressed through my career, themes of independence and decision-making have continued to express themselves.  Not going to a leader with a problem without also suggesting a solution; managing up; thinking big; being proactive.  These are time-worn adages that have served me well.  But they aren’t prescriptive.  How do you do these things?

When I’m in a crunch or a panic, it is my instinct to default to a “safe” question.

• What do you want me to do?
• How should I handle this?

This is a terrible instinct.  

It demonstrates to the person I’m talking to that I want them to take on more of the hard work of solving the problem.  And it suggests that I don’t have an opinion.  

Most often when I examine this instinct, it’s coming from a place of fear.  (Incidentally, a great source of bad instincts.  If you are ever short on bad instincts, look there.)  I know what I want to do, but I’m afraid of the impact, or of others’ opinions of my decisions. 

When I can adjust this to “How should I think about xyz,” and even add some color about my fear, I enable the other person to do a better job of coaching me.  Here are two examples:

• Typical: Dwight is not delivering at the level we expect from him.  How should I handle this?
• Better: Dwight is not delivering at the level we expect from him.  How should I think about structuring feedback most effectively. 
• Even Better: Dwight is not delivering at the level we expect from him.  I’m worried he will react poorly to this feedback and cause a cultural issue on my team.  How should I think about structuring feedback most effectively. 

• Typical: You just cut my budget in half.  Which programs should I drop?
• Better: You just cut my budget in half.  How should I think about prioritizing my program spend?
• Even Better: You just cut my budget in half.  I’m worried that the programs I can still run won’t be enough to meet all our goals.  How should I think about prioritizing my program spend? 

Coachability is one of the most important characteristics we can display to signal growth potential.  Inviting others to coach us is next level.